Mr. Rogers’ Gratitude for Others

By Jack Baker

Yesterday, I watched the Netflix documentary about Mr. Rogers entitled Won’t You Be My Neighbor? The entire program was very uplifting, but what sticks with me right now, and what has been a theme of several other articles that I have read since watching the program, is a dimension of gratitude that I have not paid much attention to until now — gratitude for those who have helped and supported me.

The final segment of the program is a kind of guided meditation. It begins with Mr. Rogers saying, “When I was a boy and I would hear about something scary, my mother would tell us, ‘Always look for the people who are helping. You will always find somebody who is trying to help.’”

The narrator adds, “When he was giving speeches, he would say, ‘Now, think about somebody who has helped you along the way, for one minute. I’m going to time you.’”

Then, Mr. Rogers in cap and gown, obviously at a commencement, continues,

From the time you were very little, you’ve had people who have smiled you into smiling; people who have talked you into talking; sung you into singing, loved you into loving. . . .

Meanwhile, the camera focuses on many of the people that we have heard from throughout the program, but they are caught in a pensive moment actually engaged in the reflection that Mr. Rogers is guiding. This quiet, reflective, thoughtful moment is extended for several minutes as Mr. Rogers continues to narrate and the camera continues to show us his reflective listeners. It becomes much more than a narrative piece of a TV show; it becomes an engaging moment of human connection. Mr. Rogers says:

Let’s just take some time to think of those extra special people. Some of them may be right here. Some may be far away. Some may even be in heaven. No matter where they are, deep down you know they have always wanted what was best for you. They have always cared about you beyond measure, and have encouraged you to be true to the best within you.

Later, reading about Fred Rogers’ life I was struck to read that he did this exercise time and again with a variety of audiences. “In many speeches, including the ones he made accepting a Lifetime Achievement Emmy in 1997, for his induction into the Television Hall of Fame in 1999, and his final commencement speech at Dartmouth College in 2002, he instructed his audiences to remain silent and think for a moment about someone who had a good influence on them.”

And today, I read an article in The Atlantic which takes this a step further in an interesting twist on the year-end reflections and resolutions routine. The article is about the power of thank-you notes, and it is the very same Mr. Rogers message. The author writes:

Near the end of December, I open my email or pick up a pen, and I begin composing thank-you notes. The messages are usually just a few sentences long: I recap my interactions with the recipient that year, put my finger on what I appreciated, and say I’m grateful. But when I consider whom to thank, I realize the list could go on and on. . . . Sending thank-you notes reminds me of the rich tapestry of connections that make up my life. It draws me just a bit closer to the people around me, even those I don’t know well: my mail carrier, my neighbors, a co-worker who helped me even when it wasn’t required. End-of-year thank- you notes, though, aren’t written out of obligation. Those who get them are reminded unexpectedly that someone is thinking of them — and that their actions haven’t gone unnoticed.

Mr. Rogers noticed everyone, and he gave each one his full attention. This is one of the basic qualities of human emotional health that Mr. Rogers helped to foster among children, and even adults. One of the interviewees says, “In response to the question, ‘What would Fred Rogers do?’ It’s not a question that you can’t answer. The most important question is what are you going to do?” For the author of the article in The Atlantic, the answer is now simple:

I’ll still write resolutions for the coming year, but I won’t just be mulling career milestones or side projects I want to complete. I’ll also be thinking of the people who were there for me — and how I plan to show up for them too.

What about you? Let’s just take a moment to think about those extra special people . . .

Thanks for reading. Thanks for listening. And thanks to Shari for her dedication to helping all of us all year long.

Won’t You Be My Neighbor? (2018) is available on Netflix.
“The Surprisingly Profound Power of Thank You Notes,” December 29, 2022, in The Atlantic.